a long walk

a dear friend, charlotte, and i are about to take the journey of our lives. or one of them...

in just a matter of days we'll hop on a plane headed towards barcelona, spain. a place that i never felt called to visit until i read 'the pilgrimage' by paulo coehlo, about a walk on the camino de santiago. i read it while i was in upstate ny, farming at camphill village. at that point in my life coehlo spoke to me. now, just over a year down the road, im read to make the pilgrimage to santiago.

check our travel blog- www.youguysaregreat.blogspot.com- for updates, stories, photographs, and more!

i love stop motion films

being the change

a great example of being the change that you wish to see in the world.
way to go, dancing man. way to go.

bicycle-commuting community?

http://commutebybike.com/2009/04/15/idaho-rolling-stops-yay-or-nay/

(a great little video about idaho's bike safety laws)

"idaho's bike safety record is exceptional"

until now...

http://www.idahocriminaldefenselaw.com/2009/06/articles/news/we-should-all-be-grieving-the-loss-of-another-bicyclist-killed-by-inattention/

the third boise bicyclist killed in less than a month in idaho.

c'mon folks...

we are family

several weeks ago i got to see my little brother graduate from high school. apart from being completely surreal seeing our family grow up, it was a learning moment for me. a fellow classmate of my brother's gave a great speech about the human genome project which began the year she was born. 

the human genome project began in 1990, an attempt to understand the complete human genome, our genes, the way that each being's dna makes them an individual. 

there were several significant findings of the genome project. one finding: that all human beings share 99.99% of the same genes and only .01% of our genes makes us uniquely US. 

think about that for a minute.

we are all related. 

it is ONE hundredth of one percent that differentiates me from you, and you from someone living in asia, or africa, or anywhere. 

no matter what you look like, what language you speak, how tall you are, or how smart you are... 

it doesn't matter if you agree with this study or not. whether it is morally right, or not. 

these findings are simply AMAZING. could this information change life as we know it? if we, as citizens of the world could understand that we are all brothers and sisters of this great land. we are so much more similar to one another than we are different. 

we are family.

time flies!

where did a month go?

life has been wild and crazy in wonderful boise.

the garden (www.boisegardenstogether.org) is up and running- sort of- and almost ready to grow veggies!  this week beds were installed and filled with top soil. and next week water is being installed and veggies will be planted! such an exciting time!

pictures to come...

in the meantime, here's a great article from a great magazine:

http://www.yesmagazine.org/article.asp?ID=3293

a big step

www.boisegardenstogether.org

go check it out.

the website for the community garden project that has consumed my life for the past six  months. lovely.

building the world

"I'm building the world myself and putting hats on everybody one by one... Before I go out I'm gonna have people in tutus with viking hats, priests with panties on their heads. In the world I'm building everybody shouts hello to everybody else from their car windows. People have speakers attached to their chests that pour out music so you can tell from a distance what mood they're in, and they won't be too chicken to get naked when the rain comes."

From Let Me Stand Alone: The Journals of Rachel Corrie

By Rachel Corrie

"The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
 

this one gets me every time. inspires me, makes me want to love, and gets me going. hope it works for you too.

growing like weeds

kiss me, i compost

turn it up!!

why community garden?

Imagine creating a place where every kind of person feels welcome. Everyone walks through the gate just as they are, digs in the dirt just as they are, and changes the world . 

Cultivate a better quality of life for all who enter the community garden, walk by on the street, or receive nourishment from the food grown within them.

Sow the seeds of community. In a neighborhood or city the garden provides a place for people to develop community, and forms a catalyst for social interaction. Involvement in the community promotes feeling responsibility for its well being and a safer town blooms. 

Reap the lessons learned. Teaching children in the garden sets them up for a lifetime of healthy living. When you educate a parent they become a teacher for their children. Whether parents are learning about nutritious eating or organic gardening, the impact is infinite. 

Experience the happiness of a family that has food on their table. Especially in these chaotic times a basket of vegetables goes a long way. Gardening can make a great contribution towards financial security and also heals one’s soul as they experience the therapies of working with the earth and the success of seeing a tiny seed become sustenance. 

Tend the earth. Gardening has a great effect on the environment. By working in the garden individuals become aware of the difference that they can make. In witnessing the growth that happens in the earth we learn about our own growth, the conditions that we need to live, and the way that life prospers. We learn about a little world of plant and animals and insects that we don’t consciously interact with on a normal basis. 

a breath of fresh air

i have this reoccurring dream, a nightmare really, where i am speaking and then screaming, but no one can hear me. the sensation i feel now is similar, albeit very different. below i'll copy and paste some words. wise ones, from jason mraz, a wise man. not to mention an inspired vehicle for energizing harmony and love-ly lyrics. yes, indeed. jason's words could be my own. but, on some days when my words are spoken to deaf ears, jason's gotta say it for me. as if we share a brain, and a heart. not just myself and mr. mraz, but all of the world together. one heart beat, a synchronized breath. 

i think it might be against every blog law to post something this long but, get ready. persevere. it's not thaaat long and your life will feel richer after reading. wealthier in wisdom. always good, right? 

"Last year Bob Dylan compiled a song list for Starbucks’ Artist Choice Series. In addition to offering up a keen selection of country, blues, and jazz, he also supplied notes and commentary as to why he held the songs in such regard. BUT, the best part was the forward. 

He wrote, "When I was asked to put together this collection of songs, I wasn't sure what to do. So I just grabbed a bunch of things I was into recently. Some people have favorite songs, but I've got songs of the minute -- songs that I'm listening to right now. And if you ask me about one of those songs a year from now, I might not even remember who did it, but at the moment it's everything to me.”

I bring this up as today’s lesson: Nothing is final. One day you’re high. The next day you’re low. You might have a funky, expressive, or awful haircut today, but soon it will grow into something else, something new and random. Maybe you grew up liking pop music and boy bands, but now you like a specific mash up of Electronic & Classical. You might decide you don’t want to smoke cigarettes anymore; that it’s just not who you are. Maybe you were a staunch republican but now have curiosities about the well-spoken and well-organized Democratic Nominee. Perhaps you were madly in love last week, but woke up today feeling comfort in solitude, without a desire to be held. 

Everything is fine. Not finAL.

We tend to instantly identify with “things.” And we believe in so much, when in fact, a belief isn't known to be true. It's a hope for the truth. We hold grudges because of what someone said when we were young. We store hurtful words and replay them in our minds until we think it to be true. And some of us believe a TV commercial and think we need a faster computer, a smarter phone, a stronger pill, a more relaxed-fit jean, etc. We think that certain things, thoughts, or actions make us who we are and sometimes we become addicted to those thoughts or behaviors and then become too afraid to let them go. 

I write and post a lot therefore many people assume I have every self-published word memorized or that I live these shared thoughts constantly. This is not the case. My brain doesn’t reference myself very well actually, and I’m sure I contradict myself every other day in one way or another. One day I feel like I have all the wisdom of the world and the next day my soul wears thin and I stutter just ordering ice cream. 

And everything is fine.

Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, to learn what we are capable of. These meanderings, rants, and blogs for instance, provide a great deal of comfort just sharing it, even though i put a part of myself on the line to be criticized or considered an ass.
Oh well, Courage is triumph of the soul is guess. and an Ass can still be of great service. 

So Remember, You have the right to change your mind. 

About anything. 

Anytime. 

This is not the ending. 

P.S. – No doesn’t mean forever. It simply means, “Not right now.”

And on the topic of Not right now, whatever happened to you in the past is not happening now. 

You will be safe behind your honest decisions and mood swings. 

I promise."

did you love that as much as i did? i hope so. kinda looooong. but really goood ;)

this can also be found at jm's blog: http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com

check check check it out.

that was fun. and a bit therapeutic, perhaps.

25 things about me. you can also find this on facebook. oh, thankyou facebook.

1. i love people. big small short and tall. people with pretty hearts and shiny smiles. but when it comes down to it, allll people.
2. just a few things make me happier than riding my bike around town. especially downtown boise. on the sidewalks. weaving in and out of people.
3. i blog. it feels slightly self-centered, and im nearly positive that no one reads what i write. but i like it. kind of like these 25 things...
4. art. means the world to me.
and i give away most of what i create.
i feel most inspired to create when i have a specific person in mind who will receive whatever it is that im working on.
5. im a hopelessly hopeless romantic. 
6. i have a mile long list of things i want to learn and places that i want to visit.
some included: india, basket weaving, northern part of south america and central america, linoleum block printing, screen printing, more and more and more.
7. im not very good at staying in the same place for very long. wanderlust is my life and my feet are itchy itchy itchy. that said, i adore little boise. the people, the foothills, the river. i love it all. i prefer the mountains over the beach almost any day.
8. i believe that the purpose of life is to share. my life, at least. 
to share our hearts and our thoughts, our food, our love, sometimes our money. just to share a bit of what we have with other beings. 
9. africa goes everywhere with me. riding around in this little pocket in my heart. i think about the people there several times a day. someday soon ill be back there again. 
10. i despise money. not just because i have none. but because it creates monsters of people. and makes me anxious.
11. my feet dont like shoes much. unless it's snowing youll almost always find me in sandals. flipflops, maybe.
12. im currently in the later stages of starting a community garden in downtown boise. should be a nice little addition to our sweet sparkly town. working mostly w people who dont have access to local, fresh food. and kids. lots of soul-filled, soil-covered kids. i cant wait to plant the seeds, to see flowers grow, and to know that it all started as a tiny spark inside of ME. if i had known how much work this was going to be i might not have thrown myself into it so quickly, but now that im bellybutton deep i have got to keep going. 
13. i sing in the car and in the shower and to myself when im walking down the street.
14. recently switched to an apple. and i love it. my little macbook and i are getting acquainted marvelously. just tonight i discovered a teeny tiny button on the side that makes a bunch of teeny tiny lights turn green as a measure of battery life. it's neat.
15. i want to be inspired and energized and ready-to-go every single day of my life. so far, so good. especially recently. i never want to feel the constraints of a job that i dont like. 
16. i believe that people are good and on days that my hope is dwindling there is always some random act of kindness that fills me back up. like someone pushing the extra minute button on my parking meter, or a nice person bringing home a lost dog.
17. im superstitious. not sure why. not so much the black cats and stepping on cracks. more shooting stars, fortune cookies, lucky things, and other 'signs'. no clue where that came from.
18. to me, there is almost nothing more beautiful than a thoughtful handwritten letter. i love sending mail. going to the post office. picking out cards. it is all so wonderful. 
19. my pets make me so happy. 
20. washing dishes and folding laundry are meditative for me. baking also makes me feel warm inside. 
21. i would love to walk the appalachian trail someday.
22. some say i have an old soul.
23. on some days lists keep me sane. when i write a list i feel like im emptying all of these chaotic, flying thoughts out of my brain. 
24. i do my very best work in the wee hours of the night. cleaning, reading, organizing, writing. all around 2 am. 
25. im going to start bee keeping this spring. just signed myself up to 'catch a swarm'. how scary is that? but im excited! honey, anybody?

and a hurry-up-spring recipe:

guacamole salad

1 pint grape tomatoes whole

1 yellow pepper diced

1/2 cup diced red onion

15 oz. black beans (about a can. rinsed and drained)

2 T. jalapeno

1/2 t. lime zest

1/4 c fresh lime juice

1/4 c olive oil

1 t. salt

1/2 t. black pepper

1/4 t. cayenne pepper

1 clove garlic chopped

pour liquid mixture over veggies

dice avocado and mix in to salad

YUM!

make soil, not war

i've been reading a book lately called 

"plenty- eating locally on the 100 mile diet".

it's about a couple in british columbia who decide to eat a diet made exclusively from food grow or produced within one hundred miles of their home.

imagine what that would mean in boise... no salt, no curry powder (or any spices for that matter), no olive oil, no pineapple, or bananas... the list goes on and on.

on the flip side, take a minute to think about the distances that our food travels. from the plastic wrapper, to the processing and all the way to our local mega-mart. 

we have no clue where our food has been! 

the change to eating the food that surrounds us would make our world and our bellies so much happier. we have an abundance of potatoes, corn, onions, greens, all kinds of veggies in the summer that could be canned and frozen, access to local wineries- the list goes on. 

here's a passage that caught my eye, made me stop to think, and has stuck with me:

"I had run through internet lists of local farms, hoping for some new breakthrough. One, I noticed, promised olive oil. That was something we really had been missing. The farming family had a Greek name, so if anyone would know how to coax the trees along...

'No,' the woman who answered the phone replied scornfully. 'You can't grow olives here.' 

I hung up the phone, smiling inwardly. What would happen if we all stopped believing that so much was impossible? Only weeks ago I had spoken with a vineyard manager on nearby Saturna Island. His vines were arrayed on south-facing slopes wedged between the humid sea and a bank of rock walls that reflected the sun. The owners were thinking of putting in olive trees."

the seedlings i started only a week ago!

eggplant, peppers, a couple tomato varieties and more to come this week. 

and one more passage from 'plenty' to end on:

" 'We have an insane food system, one that's totally based on cheap oil.' Is it possible to build a new and different system closer to home? It is. The lesser economies of scale could be partially offset by greater employment on small farms. Subsidies, like the $20,000 the US gov't spends on every corn grower each year, could support that small-farm economy rather than factory operations and industrial monocultures. Any of this is possible, and more. 'But it's theoretical. Is it possible to do it in practice? That's politics. People have to demand it and exercise their democratic rights.' "

a long time coming

i've been meaning to write this for a WHILE.

that's an understatement.

just an update. new art, exciting life.

here's the fabulous harrison (from ghana) doing what he does best at the small village foundation auction dinner a couple of weeks ago. an amazing evening with the most perfect team of drummers sounding a steady heart beat for us all. thank you, thank you.

i can hardly believe that i was in africa almost two years ago! 

a life-touching trip with the wonderful small village foundation of boise.

where did the time go?

the garden initiative has showed me how tremendously generous people are. willing to give an

hour, to meet for a chat, to write a kind email. when you take the time to share your passion people jump over hurdles to help you reach the finish line. so inspiring.

here's just one example of this love. the turtle tree seed biodynamic seed initiative in copake, new york donated seeds! lots and lots of seeds for us to plant in our community garden. the beautiful thing about this gift, is that like a stone thrown into a pond, the ripples will never stop expanding. teaching a mother or father how to grow their own food not only helps them feed themselves, it is the beginning of a lifetime of healthy eating and education for their children. and on and on and on. forever.

beautiful, beautiful seeds.

grow into beautiful vegetables.

go now, and check out their inspired work.

www.turtletreeseed.com

some new artwork. 

before and after.

color makes quite a difference, doesn't it?

"there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people."

-vincent van gogh

and some more...

nice thoughts to leave on. soul and peace. 

peaceful soul. soulful peace.

in the quiet

almost four months ago an idea came to me.

sitting on my aunt's couch.

cozy and warm, feeling pretty lucky.

thinking about the green outside. or lack thereof.

when in africa i realized for the first time that being able to care about the environment is a luxury. being able to think about how to compost my food scraps means that my belly is full, and wondering where to toss my old plastic water bottle means that thirst has been quenched. 

after a year in ny spending time with the land i knew that i had to do something to give 'the land' to someone else. to help another being receive therapy from the earth, to help them work with the earth, and to see the way that the earth can produce. 

on my aunt's couch my next journey became clear.

i needed to start a community garden in downtown boise.

to get some fresh food to loads of folks in the area who just don't have the means.

and i didn't only want to get them the food, i wanted to give them the experience of growing it.

first the inspiration.

looking back, if i had any idea how hard this road would be i'm not one-hundred percent positive that i would have taken those steps. but, here i am, nowhere to go but forward. 

then the preparation, collaboration, organization.

meetings every single day for the first while.

writing hundreds of emails, grants, pleas.

telling anyone and everyone. whether or not they wanted to know.

next the fear.

wondering whether i was crazy to think this could work.

tears. because what do you do when they don't believe?

now the excitement, the energy, the strength to persevere.

trying with all of my might to let this passion be like a cold. 

so that all who see it in me catch it and spread it. infecting all of the land with this delightfully vibrant cold :)

soon the REALITY.

the picket fence, builders, children, soil, sun and seeds.

watering cans and wheelbarrow.

and vegetables. lots and lots of vegetables in hungry bellies that need them.

yahoooooo!

mirror, mirror

"fall in love or fall in hate.
get inspired or get depressed.
ace a test or flunk a class.
make babies or make art.
speak the truth or lie and cheat.
dance on tables or sit in the corner.
life is divine chaos.
embrace it.
forgive yourself.
breathe.
enjoy the ride."
-solbeam

a big hopeful smile with my cup of tea

a couple of days ago, sitting so happily in a little coffee shop in boise with a wonderful friend, the realities of life hit me-- my meter was about to run out and in that moment nothing was more important that adding an extra quarter. a quarter that meant fifteen more minutes of bliss and comfort and familiarity sitting across the table from me, warm belly, sweet treat in front of me- the best. i ran outside, shiny coin in tow, only to find a nice guy pushing the 'extra 20 minutes' button on my meter for me. walking his bike up the sidewalk (right pant leg rolled up, messenger bag-- yummy!) he had noticed that my meter was out and the meter-reader was on her way to write my ticket. all i could do was thank him. jaw to pavement, eyes nearly teary- thank him for being a good human being. and all he had to say in return was, 'but be careful when you push this button, if the reader sees you they give the car an even bigger ticket.'

this wasn't an extraordinary act, no lives were saved; it was a little thing.
but in this deed i remember how important the little things are.
it's the little things that inspire BIG things.
and it's the big things that change lives.

my hope is renewed :) the people of this world... they are good, if we only give them the chance.

a year in review

just over a year ago i was on a plane flying to copake, ny with no idea what the following 365 days would hold in store for me. only a few weeks prior to flying, i was applying for the americorps and deciding that my next year would be dedicated to camphill village.

new york was my answer to a life that was turning upside-down. i craved change and culture and an inspired life. at the beginning of 2008 i was searching with all of my might to find hope in a world that so often feels lost. with every step of my feet i was looking for love, and creation, and appreciation.

arriving in camphill proved numerous expectations wrong, shocked my heart and soul and body, shoved new theories and practices into every unsaturated piece of me. and like a sponge i soaked up every bit of new in my life. i relished each experience and learned so so much. maybe more than ever before.

2008 was a year of change and as it ends i'm looking contentedly back on each little moment that somehow amounted to a year. with 2009 about to take off i resolve to wake every morning and be inspired, to live creatively and honestly, to share all that i am, and to open myself to all that the world has to teach me.

the portrait painter

http://www.theportraitpainter.com/web/worldportraits/tanzania/portraits/100MileSmile.html

http://www.theportraitpainter.com/web/worldportraits/namibia/portraits/Happy_Peg_Teeth.html

stephen bennett, ladies and gents.
simply amazing. if i didn't know better, i wouldn't believe that these were paintings and not photographs. acrylic, oils, and an inspired man with the world at his fingertips.

to see rainbows in each human face... if that's not enlightenment i don't know what is.
if we all worked towards seeing how beautiful our neighbors are...
bennett somehow captures wisdom, emotion, the unspoken words sleeping in each of us and with color articulates them.

have you ever been so overwhelmed by beauty that you cried?

be sure and go to his website and see more:
http://www.theportraitpainter.com/web/index.htm

save energy, ride a bike

well, that guy leaves a bit of a bad taste in your mouth, doesn't he?

life is beautiful, it is so very very pretty

i don't even know what to say about this except 'how beautiful?' and 'is this person inside my head?'.



amazing.
inspiring.
GORGEOUS.
love.

sitting in a railway station, got a ticket for my destination

travel.



i get a huge adrenaline rush from flying across the world.
i have a passion for sleeping on the floor of a rondeval.
i fall in love with the little faces and bare feet sticking out of school windows.
i am so excited by the isolation of being in a sea of people who don't speak english.

why do we travel?
it is selfish?

i am often confronted with the idea that we should first help out needy americans instead of traveling to other countries to do humanitarian work. this argument bothers me to no end.
i can't stand it.

here's what i say:
people are people are people are people. no matter where they live. or what language they speak or how rich or poor they are. the act of loving another person, reaching out to them, exchanging energy and soul and life with another person DEFIES ALL geographical boundaries.

maybe it's a little (a lot?) bogus of us to think that we're helping people when we fly in our extravagant jets to gawk at their poverty... but, when the opportunity to enrich yourself or a fellow citizen of the world presents itself don't pass it up. why would you? how could you? learning another language, eating foreign food, being crammed into mass transit with chickens and naked babies and people who don't have the luxury of a daily shower, feeling the sting of bad water in your belly-- this is WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT, folks.
do it. get out there. live a little.

and GIVE. give until you think it's all going to be gone. because guess what? appreciation, love, humility... never run out.

inspiration

with each choice you make, you may heal someone's day

i arrived in boise just in time to see one of my all time favorite people on the planet speak-- greg mortenson. author of 'three cups of tea', the book that im sure we all read in one day, finished and proclaimed, 'i've go to work with this man'. only to research and find out that the central asia institute is not currently accepting volunteers... duh. but still, heart breaking. im working on it.

im sure im not the only 21 year old female who is swooning over this fifty-something humanitarian instead of some rock-idol or professional athlete. it's a bit funny.
but really, i cried when he walked out onto the stage. his humility, brilliance, compassion is overwhelming. pure and real and all-consuming.

from our seats in the third row i could see the passion in his eyes and could feel his deep-burning hope for this chaotic world that we share. and i wanted nothing more than to be on that road. giving giving giving. i wanted the assurance of knowing what im here for. my purpose. knowing who i am, where i am, what i am. still searching all the time.

what a man.

completely unrelated:
i've been listening to this other amazing man. trying to gain a little inspiration.


and:
some more art. for kirstin.

always have a dream to chase

insatiable.
i can never get enough of life. i always always always want more.
at times this feels selfish and im left wishing that i could be happy with what i've got.
then i remember that it's dreaming that keeps us alive.
makes us happy, and reminds us that there is so much more to today. it's the dreaming that produces actions, change, and encourages us to reach for the prizes that are just beyond our grasp.

i guess this visionary mindset leaves some people standing behind my wild mind in the dust wondering where i've rushed off to. luckily for me, i've got strangely understanding people in my life who understand when africa needs me for a little bit longer, when india is calling my name, when i have to take a bike ride at 3 am to plan a garden, etc. etc. i am so fortunate.

boise bound in five days!!!

my new favorite:


ps: does anyone read this?

haven't posted any of this in quite some time...

oh DC

the hurried people of the city
racing by me to make it into work three minutes early
and i wonder if it's really necessary?

sipping my tea
looking all around
imagining that chai is an immunization against
this rushed
worried
running
city life.

and im feeling ready
pretty darn ready
to hug my ma
and kiss dad on the cheek
and be
HOME.

i feel so isolated in big cities
and when i walk down the street
it starts slow
but by the end of the block we're flying together
v formation
even the pigeons are hurried.
pea coats, pearls, heels and all.
and i feel enveloped by the city air.

happy

im proud. so proud of what america has just accomplished.
but, it's not over yet. we don't get to breathe our sigh of relief just yet.
because there's more work to be done. and we are ALL responsible.
more love to spread...

it's been so long since i've been around here. i know, i know.
my life has been nomadic for the last month.
it's been good, but i'm ready to get home and have a place to belong.
it's interesting-- living out of a suitcase can be freeing, but for me it also takes away some identity.
part of me is defined by where i'm from, the roads that i travel, and the people that i surround myself with.

looking forward to holidays with the family :)

ten to the 100th

anyone out there with big plans to change the world?
here's a neat way to get those ideas realized...
check it out:
http://www.project10tothe100.com/

welcome fall!!!

ive had this conversation with several people. it seems to come up often. not sure why exactly. but, it only gets truer and truer.

im really lucky. sometimes i feel like a clown on a trapeze. there is this lofty safety net ready to catch me if i should happen to fall. it's there always, just waiting. i cant even imagine life without it.

in my life, my parents, my home community, my family are my safety net.
because of the comfort that they have given me, i have the gumption to walk out on a ledge and to take a risk. i know, without any doubts, that the people i love are going to catch me no matter what.

my security blanket, my harness, my helmet and knee pads. thanks for letting me have some spunk, cool people in my life. i owe ya a big one.


on a totally different note...
who wants to see this??? i do! yes, handmade, YES!
http://www.handmadenationmovie.com/

goodbye for now, not forever

two more days in the village. hard to believe, isn't it? i have absolutely no clue where the last year of my life has gone. i don't know how long it will be before i can accurately articulate what i've gained from being here, however something that is already apparent to me is a newfound hope in the world... kind of a new appreciation towards idealism and optimism. in the village i've seen hope in a world where it is too easy to see despair. i have encountered love in a society where loneliness is widespread. i have witnessed creation amongst destruction.

in leaving i have discovered something that i absolutely didn't expect. my departure provides a great opportunity for friends, acquaintances, fellow coworkers, and villagers alike to share with me thoughts, perceptions, gratitude, etc. that probably would have stayed under wraps if i was staying here. it has been the ultimate gift and an eye-opener.

overwhelmed

i started packing this evening.
it's amazing how many things a room measuring 10 by 12 feet square can hold.
my 'stuff' is on its way to being ready to take off from camphill, and my mind is following not-so-closely behind.

i just sorted through the basket that i have been keeping every greeting card, postcard, newspaper clipping, etc. that has been sent to me while i've been here. only personal stuff.
it filled my heart to the brim. not to mention my eyes.
i sifted through halloween cards, then christmas, valentine's day, and so on all the while reliving those holidays in this place. it's been rough. and beautiful.

i finished sorting cards and was wishing i would have sent more thank-you notes. wishing i had made more calls thanking people for their support. wishing i could travel around the world right now and give hugs. lots of hugs and kisses letting folks know that they are downright wonderful.

as i leave this community i realize that the community that i was so lucky to grow up in has surrounded me, even from far away. a network of friends, family, brothers, aunts and uncles, coworkers, schoolmates, roommates, etc. has let me occupy a tiny bit of their hearts for the last year. i am lucky and i am eternally grateful. and giving them a piece of my heart, my thoughts in return.

i am realizing that community is so many things before a physical place where people live together. the world is a commune.

feeling so ready to go. ready to take a breath. ready to sleep. ready to do anything for myself with my whole consciousness. ready ready ready ready ready to go.
at the same time feeling anxious about leaving.
anxious to leave these beautiful people. anxious to live in the real world again, to shop at the grocery store, to exchange money, to pay for gas.

ready, set, go.


new art...
my mantra. words that inspire my core. words that make me want to create art. words that help me wake up in the morning. spoken by my dear dear friend denise in johannesburg last summer:

make art

i find this so inspiring. and it makes me smile.
the story of this movie ("Once") is so neat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx8yLvb0gZM

and the song:


i decided to add the lyrics.
they are beautiful.

"Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

heaven?

this is the life... a beautiful patchwork quilt of lettuces, kohlrabi, radishes, etc. in the seed garden. take a look at those colors! isn't it amazing? seeing growth in the gardens this year has been a tremendous learning experience and inspiration to me. planting a tiny seed and watching it slowly become a plant that nourishes the earth and our bodies is an amazing thing.
magical, really. i sure am going to miss this.

(click on these to make them bigger)

i have been creating a lot lately.
painting, drawing, writing-- and it feels really good.
more to come :)
i really believe that creating things for other people is an act of pure love... adoration and appreciation. at least, in my experience that's the way it is.
to create art for another being is to give them a piece of my self.

the luckiest girl in the world...

gets to harvest tomatoes all afternoon long, and eat them for supper.

(green zebra tomatoes)

two little thoughts

1. to add onto my blog about appreciation written awhile ago...
i was talking about this idea with a friend who awakened me to an entirely new part of appreciation. i haven't accepted it completely, and dont know if i will but i think it's still very interesting. she said that if you need to hear praise to feel appreciated for something that you're doing, then maybe you arent truly happy to do it. is that true?

2. i got the most amazing, inspiring compliment today. it will be really hard to top. someone said, 'you are strong. and it's a very delicate kind of strength. like in a spider web. the strands are so thin but when the wind blows they are flexible and move with it.' it reminded me of another famous quote i've heard that goes 'the strength of a tree lies in its ability to bend'.

this world is full of good people.

simply brilliant.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99...

Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen..."

-Baz Luhrmann

on time

today: feels like i am sliding down a slippery hill, digging my fingernails into the dirt to try and slow myself down, but i dont get any slower. things just keep going faster. the scenery around me goes by my eyes quicker and quicker until my life is just a blur of colors and all i can make out is the horizon line where the land ends and the sky begins.

walking head-on into a storm

as i prepare to leave camphill and begin the next adventure in my life i find myself flooded with extremes of emotion from both ends of the spectrum: im relieved to have survived a very hard year. proud to look back and see all that i have accomplished. sad to leave behind good friends, community life, and the most loving people. and so many other feelings.

i feel like im making a turn out of camphill road and walking straight into another situation that is going to test me, making me tread water and feel like im running out of breath. i realize that it is so hard to be somewhere, make it feel like home, develop relationships, learn about yourself, create deep connections and then pick up and leave because you know that there is s0mething else in the world that you need, or that needs you. for a moment i wonder, perhaps some people stay where they are comfortable instead of searching for more growth?

looking back on this year, it's easy to forget about all the times i broke down sobbing, or the times that i almost called my parents to buy me a plane ticket home because i couldnt handle things here. it's so easy to downplay the strong emotions that i felt in the moment. i guess that's true for most things in life. remembering the first day of kindergarten and how terrified i was to go to school. i remember being excited to learn to read, but crying because in that moment i would have given up the privilege of reading and writing to stay in the comfort of mom's arms. now, i look at that day and think, how silly, how childish. but i think it's important to look at that day (or any) through the eyes of the individual experiencing it. when i broke down here my soul was weak, my eyes were sore, i was sleep deprived, and most importantly i wasnt who i am today.

there is a famous quote that i have heard more than once. it says something along the lines of, the day the people around you stop criticizing you is when you should worry, that means they no longer see any potential in you for improvement. i could have said that much more eloquently, but you get the idea. i think it is so true. when i complain about something, or try to stimulate discussion or change it is only ever because i think that there is room to grow, a place where we can become better at something even if we are already very good.... i think i made a lot of the long-termers around here nervous at times with my question-asking nature, the ease with which i found cracks in the system, the way that i started conversations that can be painful to have. i hope all of the people who i might have shaken know that the only reason i ever did any of that was because i see so much potential in this place. camphill has so much going for it- so much that we dont even see on a day to day basis.

lovin', it's what i got

wow

as i was sitting at my computer today responding to emails i came across a note from a friend that said i should check out a song she'd just heard on the radio. i replied back saying that i would youtube the musician. that got me to thinking about how we now use verbs like 'to google' and 'to youtube'. what a world this is we live in...

in other news,
check this out: http://users.gazinter.net/melan/Warn/Warnenu.htm
really makes me think about who i am, where i am, how lucky i am, and how grateful i should be.

thank you makes the world go round

i am becoming more convinced by the day that appreciation is the key to happiness, both our own and that of those around us.

thank you to the wonderful people in my life.
thank you family.
thank you friends.
thank you worldly neighbors.
thank you, thank you, thank you.

do you love someone? tell them.

i can't save the world, but i can make the sun shine around me

africa has been a huge part of the way i identify myself ever since i was there, just over a year ago. i went there with a small humanitarian group that works on providing clean water, health care, and education to people in small villages in south africa. we were supposed to stay for fifteen days and the rest of the group i was traveling with did just that, but when the fifteenth day arrived i wasn't ready to go. i knew in my heart that i had more work to do in africa, so i stayed.

the month that i spent in africa was life changing.
i learned more in those thirty days than i ever have in a classroom.
i learned more from eleven year olds with no formal education than i ever have from a professor with three degrees and ten years of higher education.

in those thirty days i became a different person.
i was already an empathetic, highly moral, compassionate, and concerned for others and the world around me kind of person. but in experiencing africa my senses were awakened and my heart grew to encompass the consciousness of all of my neighbors in kwazulu natal.

africa forced me to confront the unfairness that thrives in life. no one gets to choose what color their skin is, the country they are born in, their sex, their age, etc. sitting amidst a sea of hiv positive babies and hungry folks all around in a hospital one day i realized that the only thing we can do is to share. share our wealth, share our food, share the unending love that we have to give. sharing goes so much further than guilt ever could.

sala gahle, friends.
i miss you.

welcome to the compact.

recently i have come across a really neat idea called "the compact". from what i understand it started as a group of friends in san fran who wanted to lower their impact on the world around them by reducing, reusing, and recycling- with an emphasis on the first two. they were inspired by the folks who sailed across the atlantic to america in 1620 on the mayflower. their hope was to build a “city on a hill” that would be a beacon to the world.

here is how they explain what exactly the compact is on their blog (http://sfcompact.blogspot.com/) :

"-To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc.
-To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er).
-To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact) "

to accomplish the above-mentioned goals, members of the compact have agreed not to purchase anything new and to borrow, barter, and buy used. i think it is particularly important to make exceptions to these rules where one's quality of life might be marginalized. the point more than anything is to live a rich and fulfilled life, to recognize that you don't need stuff to live that way, and to enrich the lives of others. 

so, onward ho!


i took this picture at the hudson river sloop festival in croton-on-hudson, ny this year. the event was started fortysomeodd years ago by pete seeger and friends! it was such an inspiring event where i was surrounded by people who love our earth, just like i do, and who care about keeping it clean and happy. being here made me feel so hopeful.